Peter and the Woodchucks
by bluedaizy4
Summary: My first attempt at humor....it probably sucks.....but what doesn't that I write??? Anyway...I hope it's funny...read it anyway!!!


disclaimer: what do i own??? i own my makeup, my clothes, my phone, my......oh....that's not what you meant?? well of course i don't own harry potter, you twit!!! why would you even think that??? does it SAY allison (my last name) on the front of the books???? NO!!!! of course not u idiot!!! i just own my own strange, twisted plot. so enjoy!!!  
  
a/n: i hope u like this beautimous story from the depths of my abnormal mind!!! My first attempt at humor so if it sukz....don't mind me!!!!  
  
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This is an ordinary day of classes at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for Peter Pettigrew. Please don't be disturbed, or frightened. He is essentially harmless. Wait, no he's not, but I think you're safe where you are!!! Maybe.....well....just be careful.  
  
Peter: (He walks into Transfiguration with Sirius Black on one side and Remus Lupin on the other, holding up with James Potter in the back so he doesn't decide to take a nap in the hallway. Again. Or also so he doesn't bend over and try to count his toes. Again.) Wow! This place is icky. Where am I?  
  
James: Peter...you're in class. You should know this place by now.....you've been in the same class for seven years.  
  
Peter: ?????  
  
Remus: Let me try to make you remember. The Cat-Lady.  
  
Peter: Ooooo!!!!! The place me go sleepy-bye???  
  
Sirius: That's right!! Good, Peter. Maybe I'll give you a treat.  
  
Peter: (loudly enough for the whole castle to hear) I WANT CHEESE!!!!!  
  
Sirius: Nah....never mind.  
  
Peter: (gets a crazed look in his eyes and jumps for Sirius' throat) GIVE CHEESE!!!!!!  
  
James: Now, now Peter. Come down off Sirius' neck. We all know it'd be nice if he died, but we might get detention. (Sirius pried Peter off of his neck and glared at James)  
  
Sirius: Shut it, Prongs! (Sirius jumped at James and they proceeded to beat eachother up. This was an everyday event.....they were best friends. The whole class proceeded to break out in a riot, throwing desks and giving black eyes and throwing food)  
  
Peter: THE WOODCHUCKS ARE COMING!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone turns with a look of horror on their faces.  
  
Minerva: (just walking in) No, Peter, that's just my face.  
  
For Minerva did greatly resemble the creature that is woodchuck. Lo wehen she went to be registered among the animagus they could not believe that her wish was to be cat, for she was already part woodchuck. And they told her. Upon hearing this, Minerva said: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I don't care how much wood that a woodchuck chuck's because I don't wish to chuck wood. She then clocked yon registering guy upside his yon head, and she was cat.  
  
Minerva: Seeing as I am incredibly prissy and stuck up and...PREPPY!!!!  
  
Everyone including Minerva: (screams at the top of their lungs in terror)  
  
Minerva: The headmaster has appointed me a class in my seventh year.  
  
Remus: We know, Minerva, you've been teaching us for the past four weeks.  
  
Minerva: That's MRS. MCGONAGALL to you.....and I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to THEM!  
  
Sirius: Who?  
  
Minerva: Them!  
  
James: Who?  
  
Minerva: Them!  
  
Remus: Who?  
  
Minerva: Them!  
  
Sirius: What is she talking about???  
  
Peter: Oooo! Shiny!!!  
  
James: Aaaahhh!!! We weren't watching Peter! What did he do now????!!!!!!?????  
  
Random Student: Maybe....he freed the woodchucks!!!  
  
All hell broke loose. Everyone except Minerva randomly running back and forth across the room screaming for no particular reason. Every once and a while a fire would just start and parts of the buliding collapsed.  
  
Minerva: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: (freezes in place)  
  
Minerva: He just found them!  
  
Sirius: Who?  
  
Minerva: Them!  
  
Sirius: Who?  
  
Minerva: That's enough!!!! THEM!!!! (she points at the computer screen)  
  
Everyone: (turns their heads in unison. crowds around the screen)  
  
James: Wow...there are hundreds of little people in there!!!  
  
Peter: Cheese people!! Eat cheese people!!!  
  
Sirius: NO!!! (grabs and spends all his energy on restraining Peter and finally lets go from lack of energ y)  
  
Peter: I want shiny cheese!!  
  
Minerva: OK.....let him have them....after all.....they're only cheese.  
  
(all HP characters leave the room except for Peter, who looks very, very hungry)  
  
Me: Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Run for your little cheesy lives!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
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a/n: ok....the twisted brain of Peter Pettigrew ladies and gents!! OK....this was my fist attempt at humor. If it sucks as bad as i think it does tell me so i don't write nEmore. Please review!!!! flames welcome!!!! i like them....they're amusing to read. 


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